Speed of Light

There’s no beginning and there is no end. Feels like I’m dreaming but I’m not sleeping.

Sweet, sweet fantasy baby! When I close my eyes you come and you take me.

It’s so deep in my daydreams but it’s just a sweet, sweet fantasy baby.

Fantasy – Mariah Carey

Falling in love at the speed of light is quite special. Is this real? It feels like I’m in a movie. This is just a fantasy. NOPE! THIS IS REAL LIFE GIRL, LIVE IN IT!

With our hearts open, at exactly the right time and place, we found each other. We went all-in on giving our electric connection the attention it deserved and now here we are one year later, looking at each other with the same disbelief that we had a year ago in having something so magical in our hands.

We both came from long and serious relationships when we met at the Gorge Amphitheater in Washington state that July weekend. Neither of us thought that meeting in a crowd of people would lead us here. And never did I think to be in a relationship so deep soon after ending one.

But it took a very special person named Dylan to open me up. Today I’m sharing how these past 365 days of having Dylan in my life have given me the most full experiences I’ve ever had in my life. I can only thank the universe and a little nudge from my mom up above in bringing us here.

Disarm You

I need to know, is this real love or is it just madness keeping us afloat?

And now I have finally seen the light and I have finally realized what you mean…what you need.

And I have finally realized I need your love. Our love is…

Madness – Muse

In just the first day of knowing each other, Dylan gave me a sense of comfort that was rare to feel with a stranger. We shared deep stories with one another, were honest with our journeys and experiences that made us who we were at that time, and most importantly, established a trust that made us feel safe in disarming oneself and opening up in the most challenging, yet easiest of ways.

How is it that this man from Amsterdam met this woman from San Francisco and ended up matching so perfectly? Dylan was on the tail end of a a three week vacation with friends in the US when we met. I was at the beginning of a three week adventure across the US to meet with friends when we met.

Just a few days after we met, he booked tickets to visit me in San Francisco before I left for my family trip to the Philippines in August. That crazy man took a leap of faith, jumping into an unknown canyon of love that inspired me to open up in ways that surprised and also scared the shit out of me.

In those first few months of our relationship, he disarmed me from myself and I challenged myself to be more present and open than ever. I asked myself the difficult questions that my therapist, friends, and family encouraged me to ponder:

• What does Dylan have that makes me feel so secure in being in a long-distance, committed relationship with him?
• How can I still make space for myself to adjust to a life as this new woman while still being open to feeling deep emotions of love? Am I still honoring the promises I made to myself post-divorce?
• What do I need from Dylan in order to feel comfortable in leaning into this special bond we have?
• What am I scared of?
• How can I give Dylan the respect he deserves in the space and time he’s giving me?
• Will a 12 year age difference matter? Are we in the right stages of our lives to be in this relationship? Am I okay with him having a daughter?
• Am I in a relationship because I’m feeling lonely and just want somebody around? Or is it because I want the idea of this man and the relationship we could have? Or is it because I truly do love this man and what we are building together every second of everyday?

It took me a few months to believe that this amazing relationship was real! It was so surreal that it took me 6 months to share this relationship with the rest of the world, with all of you.

In those first few months, we put in some serious work devoting our efforts in seeing what we can establish as our foundation for this wild love. This time was best gift we gave ourselves because it gave us the security in knowing that this is what we want and what we need.

Make It Happen

You make me feel so divine. Your soul and mine are entwined. Before you I was blind but since I’ve opened up my eyes and with you there’s no disguise so I could open up my mind.

I always loved you from the start but I couldn’t figure out that I had to do it everyday. So I put away the fight, now I’m gonna live my life, giving you the most in every way.

I belong to you and you belong to me too. You make my life complete, you make me feel so sweet.

I belong to you – Lenny Kravitz

I could spend hours and days talking about the amazing ride I’ve had in this past year of adventures with Dylan. Instead, I’ll share one snapshot from every month we’ve seen each other. It took a lot of effort, resources, and commitment to make this happen! I’m very proud of the growth I’ve had and the relationship we’ve built together.

Baby It’s You

Oh if you’re there when the world comes to gather me in…

Oh if you’re there, I will be blessed.

I will be blessed – Ben Howard

When we told each other “I choose you” and “I choose you too” it was so intense for those words to appear and come full circle for us both. There’s a lot of weight in choosing your person and we both recognize what it means for one another. Choosing your partner is one of the most important decisions one makes! And I’m so happy with mine. I love him for me and I love me for him!

Happy one year, mahal ko. I’ll take the highs, lows, craziness, loneliness, good, bad, and the ugly…everything and anything met jou!! Ik hou van jou lieverd, let’s keep this great adventure of ours going!!!