There is one irrefutable law of the universe: We are each responsible for our own life. If you’re holding anyone else accountable for your happiness, you’re wasting your time. You must be fearless enough to give yourself the love you didn’t receive. Begin noticing how every day brings a new opportunity for your growth. Pay attention. Every choice gives you a chance to pave your own road. Keep moving. Full speed ahead.

“What I Know For Sure” – Oprah Winfrey

Chance: the possibility of something to happen

Very rarely do you have a second chance at life. For my parents, both have now experienced their second shot at life and I’ve played a supporting role in their stories as a human on this earth.

Some of you reading this know my mom’s second chance at life and most of you know about my mom’s third chance at really living her full truth as a woman on this earth. She was 29, my age, when she experienced her first bout with breast cancer. I was two years old and I have a vague memory from the Philippines of me brushing her wigs. Back then I didn’t know her warrior strength, but I now look back at that memory and am gutted at the fright she must have felt knowing that she may be leaving her little daughter and husband behind.

She was 49 when that awful cancer came back, this time instead of Stage II and potentially curable, it was Stage IV and she was terminally ill. This third chance at life lit a fiery spirit in her and for the 1.5 years she lived after she was diagnosed, she was the most beautiful woman I have ever known. You would have sensed her warmth if you were near her and you wanted to be her best friend. You would have heard her laugh from the other side of the room and laughed along with her. You would have shriveled at her stark gaze if you were in the way of her happiness. You would have been inspired to always be your best and do your best if you were lucky to have time with her in that year before she died. It is my honor as her daughter to continue her legacy, to live her spirit as she lives within me.

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Last November 2023, I was an excited witness of two amazing people getting their second chance at love. My dad and stepmom, my Tita, had a gorgeous church wedding and celebration in Arizona during Thanksgiving weekend and it was a time I’ll remember forever! To see my dad so happy and to see my tita’s beauty queen smile was a sight I’ll never forget.

A snippet from my toast to the happy couple: I truly love her for my dad and I love my dad for her. You both are an example that love can happen at any time, any age, any place, and can spark so much joy that you’ve chosen to spend forever together, by each others side through all of life’s ups and downs. Your love has inspired not only me, but I know a lot of us here too. And I know you two will continue to build a beautiful life together. I’m very lucky to be in the audience of your love story.

My dad’s second chance at life happened two weeks after the wedding, when he experienced a cerebral aneurysm and non-traumatic subdural hemorrhage. It all happened so fast. I was having brunch in Las Vegas with my aunt and uncle after celebrating my best friend’s birthday the night before and all of a sudden I was on a flight to Phoenix, praying that my dad wasn’t going to die.

By that afternoon, I was at the hospital in Arizona, staring at a wall, with my mind flooding with memories of me in the family waiting room while I greeted guests after my mom woke up from a coma…memories of the weekends I spent to be by my mom’s side as she prepared for the end…memories when I also rushed to the hospital because my mom’s heart stopped and it was time for us to say goodbye.

‘Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous paces bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round
And everyone lifts their heads
But I’m thinking of what Sarah said

That love is watching someone die….so who’s gonna watch you die?

“What Sarah Said” – Death Cab for Cutie

After a CT scan discovered blood in his brain, he was transferred by helicopter to this hospital. In my gut I felt that my dad’s time wasn’t up. He was young, healthy, and his body just had a brain bleed and he was in the best care at the HonorHealth Stroke Center in Scottsdale. After a suspenseful 5 hours in surgery, doctors were able to remove the blood and blood clot in his head. He survived and was on a seemingly long road to recovery. Knowing he was alive, it was now time to tell relatives and friends of this event, to let them know about my dad’s second chance at life and we needed this community to come together for him.

Thank you to our community, for keeping him in your thoughts, for wishing a speedy recovery, and for supporting my family as we adjusted to this new reality. Knowing that I almost lost my only living parent, I made the decision to take a month off work to be there for my dad, to help my tita care for him and to keep his mom, my grandma, company as she also adjusted to life in the US after moving from the Philippines.

For the first week and a half after my dad’s head trauma, I didn’t tell my grandma what had happened to her son. She thought that he was away for work. When I knew my dad was going to be okay and when I sensed her improved strength after her own recovery from being in the hospital, I knew it was time to tell her what happened. I was very grateful that my supportive partner Dylan and my sweet little brother, an RN, were with me during this special time. I have immense respect for medical professionals who have to deal with being the bearer of bad or scary news on a daily basis–it’s not easy!

I gather my strength from my warrior momma and from my own community. The messages I sent to the same people I told 7 years ago about my mom’s passing help carry my burden. To Dylan, who lives in Amsterdam, NL and flew overnight to be with me and my dad as soon as I texted him “I think my dad just had a stroke & I’m booking a flight to Phoenix ASAP”. Thank you.

By the grace of the angels above, my dad made a miraculously recovery post-trauma. He knew his time wasn’t up yet and he still has a purpose on this earth. I told him I was going to help fix him back up and there’s nothing to fear. His main focus was to gain strength, get better, see with both eyes, walk with both feet, and live his life to the fullest with my Tita and to watch my children grow up one day. He was discharged right before Christmas. He was home for Christmas. I didn’t lose my dad and he’s still here.

Time: the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole

This entire 2023 was a cluster of a year. Though it was plentiful of the some of the happiest memories of my life, it was was also packed with a lot of anxiety, stress, and sadness. What I am very proud of, however, is how I spent my time. I focused on what was important to me, doing things that added meaning to my life, read books that made me a better human, created a safe space for myself, conversed with friends and strangers who weren’t afraid to go deep with me, and explored the edges of what I am capable of.

My Top Ups of 2023 (in no particular order)

I spent hundreds of hours walking around my neighborhood, listening to music, audiobooks and podcasts. I spent multiple weeks in Europe so I can have quality time with my person and his people. I spent late nights on my work laptop so I can ensure that I did my best work and got shit done the right way. I spent time getting to know people so I can deepen my relationships and have some strong roots. I spent waaaaay too much time on my feet dancing at music festivals and events and never regretted how much fun I had with my friends or how much sleep I lost because I was fully engaged in the present moment. And most importantly, I spent precious time with my family, making the most of my second chance at building an adventurous life with my partner and my dad’s second chance at living his most fulfilling life.

What I know for sure is that this year has given me the confidence of how much life can offer. What I know for sure is that I have lived a colorful life. What I know for sure is that I am so loved. What an opportunity I have to continue exploring who I am and what I am capable of. I am filled with gratitude. So here I am, going full speed at ahead!