I remember the hardest times are times I don’t forget.

Neverender – Justice, Tame Impala

Over the last 6 months, I’ve invested time in the healing of self and re-discovery of who I am as a woman, as a human of this time in all the places my feet have been planted.

I’ve grown in the rain, the light, and in the colors of plenty of places…from San Francisco, to Lake Tahoe, to Colorado, to Amsterdam, to Phoenix, to Indio, to Egypt, to San Diego, to Los Angeles, to Utah. Just being present. Listening, adapting, conversing, feeling.

There are so many things I’ve learned about experiencing the spectrum of emotions. Depression being the strongest, anxiety by its side…such fickle feelings! Terrible things didn’t come in threes, it came in five. But I have grown, will continue to grow, and from this time of healing, have become a better version of myself.

Depression doesn’t knock.

Rupi Kaur

It was really hard, dealing with the waves that were five. Things were good, then a wave would come, things feel better, and I’d have to hold my breath underwater again. Things have gotten out of control, I’ve learned how to fix it. Situations weren’t ideal, I learned to prioritize what works for me. I’ve gone through hard things, I can do it again. And again. And again.

Some days were easier, like those when I asked my man to marry me and when he asked me to marry him. We are chosen. A bond so deep, unbreakable. A spark felt from the very first hours of just knowing each other that continues to sparkle even three years later. A love so strong, I can only be in awe of what’s to come.

Life is an adventure…you can’t choose the cards you’re given but you can choose how you play the game. Dealt with some crazy cards? Sit with it, see it. Learn from it. Play with it. See what comes of it.

“This too shall pass,” I kept thinking. “This is where I need to be,” I disliked knowing. “One day I feel joy again,” I began hoping.

So I created a space for me to heal, said goodbye to a place that gave me what I needed for almost two years. And moved to a place with plenty of space for my healing and re-building after bad news. To celebrate the turning of another year while I grieved the loss of my paternal grandmother. To relive the devastation of losing my mom. To accept the fate of my father who is now battling cancer he will no doubt recover from.

To rest with my feelings, to grow with my partner in the comfort of his arms. In this place, I now sit and feel safety, I feel stability, I feel peace, I feel joy…I feel my new home at this special time.

Some days I wanna sail away

When the going gets rough

When the going gets tough

But something deep inside my body says

“You are more than enough, so don’t give up”

Keep in moving on, yeah

It’s gonna be alright, yeah yeah

Somedays – Sonny Fodera , Jazzy, D.O.D.

In the comfort of friends, my community around the world, in both my homes of San Francisco and Amsterdam, I am reminded of my “why”.

In the light of day, immersed in music of all , genres, next to people from different worlds all moving the same beat, it’s beautiful.

In the seat of my car, in the passenger seat, in the back of someone else’s car, in an airplane seat, on my couch, in my office, on friends’ couches, I’ve seen, felt, read, and listened.

I sat most with myself, my spirit guide, and plenty versions of myself who I have been healing. I’ve gone to the deep depths of my biggest fears and opened my eyes with a new perspective. I look forward, I learn from the past. I learn from the lessons. I ask my wisest self what’s next and I’m excited to see what’s to come for me in this journey of life.

You’ll come back, I was never in doubt

Glasshouse – Tinlicker, Julia Church

And I ain’t gonna wait for nothing ‘cause that just ain’t my style

Life couldn’t get better, this gon’ be the best day ever

BDE Bonus – Mac Miller

LFG. We can get through hard things.

In memory of Diana Olivares, who lived a life well lived (Aug 26, 1942 to Mar 10, 2025).