When every moment is
A choice you’re making
Just let it guide you
Down whatever road you’re chasing

Naama – Sultan & Shepard

It hit me like a granite wall when the words “divorce” left my mouth 6 months ago. We had just celebrated 5 years of marriage in January. We had secured a home to be built to house the kids we planned to have next year.

Boom. Wall. Tunnel vision. I feel like throwing up. What’s my family going to say? What will my friends think? How are strangers going to perceive me as a divorced woman?

Deep breaths. You’ve been through hard times. Take care of yourself. You’ve done your best. You both tried for 7 years. You knew your differences. You’ll always have love for one another. It was a true love match and it was special. But this will be hard….and you will get through this. “We” to “I” will become easier to say out loud.

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Maybe I am learning how to love me more

Just a little bit (love me more)
Just a little bit (love me more)
Oh, I’m gonna try to (love me more)
With a little bit of love (love me more)

Love Me More – Sam Smith

After moving into my little SF studio in May with my dog Wonton, I went on plenty of solo adventures, surrounded myself with my friends and family, and re-discovered myself.

It was liberating, exhilarating, moving, exhausting but in the best way. It was also a weird adjustment, seeing as I now spent time alone in my space without the partner I’ve been attached to for 7 years of my life. When times would get tough, I’d sent light and love to him, wishing him the best. I sang a lot, I biked a lot, hiked a lot, breathed fresh air a lot…doing all of my favorite things as much as I could. I listened to books, read books, still have books unfinished…went on long walks in the morning sun with the birds. I caught up with friends and family. I also made a lot of new friends. I challenged myself and put myself out there. I released the negative energy and welcomed all the positive the universe would give me.

I planned trips and activities every month until the end of the year. May was San Diego for a friend’s gorgeous wedding. June was LA, San Diego, Big Sur & Monterey. July was exploring Marin, climbing up Half Dome in Yosemite then to Seattle & the Gorge in WA, & a train to Chicago. August was Palm Springs for a bachelorette party then Cebu, Palawan, & Manila in the Philippines with family. September was Colorado with one best friend & Lake Chelan in WA for another’s beautiful wedding. October was Austin with more of my most cherished friends, and at the end of this month I’ll be seeing Amsterdam from a local’s eyes. In November I’ll be spending Thanksgiving in Arizona with family. In December I’ll be in Europe again, then spending the start of 2023 in the Grand Canyon. And when I was home, I continued to teach 5 Pilates classes on Saturday mornings.

What a time to be aliiiiiiiive! I’m in awe of the beauty I see, the grace I experience, and the support I continue to receive.

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You are exactly where you need to be

You are exactly where you are meant to be

You are enough

My daily affirmations

Though I’ve gotten tired of spending time on an airplane, I’ve spent every second of every moment of the last 6 months of my life as present as ever, getting to know this version of me. The best version of me yet. And I am so grateful to each and every single person who has touched my heart and soul during this complex time in my life. Thank you for listening to me, checking in on me, making sure I’m okay, that I’m happy. Thank you for loving me in the way I need to be loved. Thank you for being you and for giving me your time and space.

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Everything feels good, it feels healthy, and I feel whole. Onwards and upwards. Sending light and love to my wasband. Sending light and love to all my loves. Thank you all for sticking by my side and following me on my journey.

I’m experiencing the magic of love every day. I’m feeling free. & I continue to live my best life to honor the life my Momma has given me. She continues to send me presents here on earth and my most recent gift has been the best one yet…Keep ‘Em coming Momma!

I hope you know

The love you bring, the song you sing
I overflow, I hope you know
I hope you know

My current mood
Is gratitude

Gratitude – Above & Beyond